September 16, 2020 2:00:17 PM
Steve Jobs famously said “you watch television to turn your brain off”. If that’s the case, you’re pretty glad you’re not the kind of person that wastes their time gormlessly staring at a static box all evening.
Television isn’t just a pastime anymore, like listening to the radio or putting on a record. These days, it’s a lifestyle, hobby, language and religion all rolled into one.
As someone that doesn’t really ‘do’ TV, you simply can’t understand how other people manage to fit in watching a 14-season box set alongside normal, regular life. Here are some other things that non-telly watchers will be able to relate to…
1. Everybody speaks a foreign language
It often feels like you can’t take part in half the conversations that are going on around you. Every month, a new TV trend will rear its head and your WhatsApp group chats will suddenly become completely indecipherable.
If your mates aren’t gasping at the latest love rat on whatever dating show is doing the rounds, they’re collectively losing their minds over the new Netflix whodunnit. Carole Baskin, Jon Snow, Eleven – it all means nothing to you.
2. People think you’re kind of weird
House guests can’t help but look at you suspiciously when they realise you don’t have a television in your living room. They might ask if you own a projector instead, or if you like to stream your favourite shows directly from your laptop?
When you finally reveal that you simply just aren’t interested in watching the latest series of the X Factor, or whatever TV show everyone is currently raving about, people automatically think you’re some kind of unhinged freak that’s harbouring deep-rooted issues.
3. You have a lot more time for productive hobbies
The truth is that you cringe to think about the amount of hours people waste staring at a TV screen.
From reading and gardening to cooking and learning, your free time is spent so much more productively than it would be, if you were flicking mindlessly through channels night after night.
While you don’t like to judge how other people spend their evenings, you can’t help but think you have a far more interesting life than your TV-watching mates, and you’re a lot less physically lazy too.
4. You don’t really understand what ‘Netflix and Chill’ means
You reckon it’s some kind of innuendo – given that your mates always burst into fits of awkward laughter when it’s mentioned – but you’re already too much of a TV outsider to understand.
It’s hard enough trying to keep up with the basic premise of the shows that everyone is watching, let alone the lingo that comes along with it. Anyone for ‘educational podcast and chill’? No?
5. You don’t understand people who waste a weekend ‘binge watching’
When someone posts an Instagram story boasting about the six hours of Grey’s Anatomy they just consumed in one solid Sunday sitting, it makes you feel a bit queasy. You simply don’t have the patience for that kind of thing.
6. You feel a lot richer not shelling out for lots of different streaming services
From Netflix and Now TV, to Sky and your regular TV license, watching TV is a pretty hefty investment.
Since you aren’t interested in watching the latest ‘must-see’ shows, you don’t get smacked with a big bill from various different streaming sites at the end of the month.
7. You don’t feel like you’re missing out
Even though you’re often the odd man out in conversations, the social ramifications of hating television aren’t enough to convince you to switch to the dark side.
Your life feels richer, more focused and less dull without the likes of The Kardashians in it – and for that, you’re pretty thankful.